Growth Beyond Obstacles

When It Finally Became Official

There are some moments in life that you imagine for years, but when they finally happen, the emotion feels completely different than you expected.

I thought earning my master’s degree would feel like one huge moment of celebration, almost like everything would suddenly click into place and I would immediately understand the significance of what I had accomplished. Instead, I opened my official transcripts from Life Pacific University and just stared at them. There were no more assignments waiting for me, no more discussion posts, no more presentations, no more final projects, and no more grades that I had to wait on.

My entire master’s program was complete.

I had passed every course, finished every requirement, and officially earned the degree. I am now Kaylee Ann Van Horn, MBA, and even writing those letters after my name still feels surreal. The truth is that those three letters represent so much more than the last couple of years. They represent a journey that started long before I ever enrolled in an MBA program. They represent the decisions I made when I was younger, the times I stopped, the times I had to start again, the moments when I questioned what direction my life was going in, and every obstacle that could have convinced me to give up.

“It’s Been a Long Road to Get Here, Kiddo”

One of the first people I told was my husband-to-be, who in just a few days I will finally get to call my husband. Then I called my dad.

I was already crying.

My dad said something that I do not think I will ever forget: “It’s been a long road to get here, kiddo. Since 2013.”

All I could really say back was, “I know, but I did it.”

Hearing those words from my dad made everything feel real in a completely different way because he was not just looking at the last two years. He remembered the entire road that led me here. He remembered when school did not go according to plan and when I had to make the decision to go back and finish my bachelor’s degree. That decision is one of the reasons this accomplishment means so much to me because without finishing my bachelor’s degree, there would be no MBA. There would be no doctoral program waiting for me next, and there are probably professional opportunities I would not have considered possible for myself.

Looking back now, I realize that going back to complete my bachelor’s degree was one of those decisions that quietly changed the direction of my entire life.

At the time, I was simply trying to finish something I had started, but now I can see how one step created another opportunity, and that opportunity created another. My dad unexpectedly took Robbie and me out to dinner to celebrate, and that meant more to me than I can fully explain. We had already celebrated graduation in May when I walked across the stage, wore the cap and gown, and experienced walking for a degree for the first time in my life. That moment was incredibly special, but walking at graduation and officially completing the degree are two different emotions.

In May, I was celebrating what I was about to finish.

Now there is no “almost” attached to it.

There is nothing left to turn in and nothing left standing between me and the degree. It is complete, and I earned it. Sitting there with my dad and the man I am about to marry made me realize how important it is to stop sometimes and allow ourselves to recognize the moments we have worked so hard to reach instead of immediately focusing on the next responsibility, the next problem, or the next goal.

Winning and Still Feeling Like I Was Failing

That realization has caused me to look at the last eight months differently because, if I am being completely transparent, I have spent a lot of this year feeling like I was failing.

That probably sounds strange when I look at everything that has happened. I completed my MBA. I am getting married. I am preparing for a doctoral program. I have continued working and developing professionally, and there are so many things in my life that should make me feel successful. Yet, at the same time, I have struggled with the feeling that I was falling behind.

You can be winning in one area of your life while feeling like you are failing in another.

You can be proud and overwhelmed at the same time. You can be grateful for the life you have and still be exhausted by what it requires from you. For about eight months, life has felt like one thing after another. There has always been another responsibility that needed my attention. Work needed me. School needed me. Wedding planning needed me. My family needed me. My relationship needed me. My health needed me. There were appointments, assignments, deadlines, wedding details, professional responsibilities, health questions, and unexpected things that could not simply be ignored.

I kept telling myself that I only needed to get through the next thing.

Finish the next assignment. Make it through the next week. Get through the next doctor’s appointment. Handle the next wedding detail. Complete the next project at work. Eventually, I stopped asking myself how I was actually doing and started asking only what needed to be handled next.

Getting Lost While Still Moving Forward

I think this is how people sometimes lose themselves without realizing it.

We often think losing ourselves means completely stopping or giving up, but sometimes we lose ourselves because we never stop moving. We become so focused on surviving our schedule that we stop checking in with the person who is actually living it. That is what happened to me. Writing slowly disappeared from my routine. My blog became something I kept telling myself I would return to once life calmed down. My book, which is nearly completed, sat waiting for me. Taking care of myself started feeling like another responsibility on a list that was already too long.

I was still moving forward, but I stopped feeling connected to the parts of myself that made me feel like me.

Instead of recognizing that I was overwhelmed, I began calling those areas failures. I felt like I was failing as a writer because I was not writing. I became frustrated with myself because my health was not where I wanted it to be. I looked at unfinished projects and thought about everything I should have completed by now. I thought about my career and wondered whether I should be further ahead.

Meanwhile, I was actively completing a master’s degree.

That realization has changed something in me. I had become so focused on everything I had not done that I was not giving myself credit for what I was accomplishing at the same time. I think many of us do this. We reach something we once prayed for and barely stop long enough to appreciate it because we are already criticizing ourselves for whatever is still unfinished.

Learning to Separate Setbacks From Failure

My health has been one of the biggest areas where I have had to learn to separate a setback from a failure.

There has been a lot of back and forth trying to understand what is happening physically, especially with continued testing related to POTS and trying to determine whether what I am experiencing is more neurological, more cardiac, or some combination of different systems. There are appointments, tests, conversations, and moments when I wish someone could simply hand me an answer and say exactly what is happening and exactly what the plan will be.

Unfortunately, health does not always work that way.

Sometimes you have to live in the middle of the question for a while, and that can be exhausting. At the same time, I have also been dealing with complications related to my gastric sleeve surgery because I am developing too much acid. We are working through what that means and whether revision surgery may be necessary, with the hope that, if medically appropriate and everything aligns, it may be something that can happen closer to the end of the year.

That was certainly not part of what I imagined for 2026.

Life does not look at the goals written in your planner before deciding what will happen next.

Health has reminded me over and over again that I can make plans, but I cannot control every part of my body or every situation that comes my way. What I can control is whether I keep advocating for myself, whether I show up to the appointments, whether I ask questions, whether I follow through, and whether I learn how to care for myself instead of becoming angry with myself for not being able to keep up with everything the way I think I should.

Choosing to Finish

There were several times during all of this when I could have made the decision to pause my MBA.

I could have said that I needed to deal with my health first, that I would come back in a year, or that I would finish when things settled down. There would have been nothing wrong with making that choice because sometimes stopping or taking a break is the healthiest decision someone can make.

For me, though, I knew that I needed to finish.

Some days I felt motivated, and other days I absolutely did not. Some days I was excited to work on school, and other days I opened my computer because the assignment was due and I simply had to get it done. Perseverance is not always inspirational while you are living through it.

Sometimes perseverance looks like crying and then opening the laptop anyway.

Sometimes it means making it through a full workday and coming home to finish another paper. Sometimes it means attending another medical appointment when you are exhausted from appointments. Sometimes it means doing one small thing because thinking about everything at once feels impossible.

A lot of this year has looked like one small thing, then another, then another.

Somehow, all of those individual days, assignments, decisions, and moments of choosing to continue became a completed master’s degree. That is something I want to remember because I think we sometimes underestimate the power of small steps simply because they do not feel dramatic while we are taking them.

Becoming an Example for the Girls Coming After Me

Earning this degree also means something to me beyond my own personal accomplishment because I am one of the first women in my family to reach this level of higher education.

I do not believe that having a college degree makes someone better or more successful than someone who does not have one. Education is one path, and there are many ways to build a meaningful and successful life. However, this became part of my path, and I am humbled by the idea that it may help make the path feel a little more possible for the women and girls who come after me.

I think especially about my niece.

I want her to grow up knowing that there is no predetermined ceiling on what she can accomplish. If she wants to go to college, she can pursue it. If she wants a master’s degree or a doctorate, she can work toward those goals. If she wants to build a business, become a healthcare professional, become an artist, learn a trade, write a book, become a leader, or choose a path none of us have imagined for her yet, I want her to know that she can build a life that is meaningful to her.

I want the same for the girls I consider nieces even if we do not share blood.

Sometimes paving a path does not mean everyone behind you needs to take the exact same road. It simply means showing them that more roads exist than they may have realized. If one of them looks at something I have accomplished and thinks, “Maybe I can do the thing I want to do too,” then this degree becomes bigger than the letters after my own name.

Preparing for My Doctoral Chapter

At the same time, I will also begin preparing for the next academic chapter of my life: my doctoral program.

Even writing that feels surreal.

The version of me my dad was talking about when he said this road started in 2013 is now preparing to become a doctoral student. I think about that younger version of myself sometimes and wonder whether she would believe where she eventually ended up.

I am not pursuing a doctorate simply because I want another title.

I want what I learn to connect with my work in healthcare and with the kind of leader I hope to become. I want to understand leadership, organizational decisions, burnout, and the experiences of both clinical and non-clinical healthcare staff more deeply. I want my education, professional experience, and personal experiences to eventually intersect in ways that allow me to contribute something meaningful.

From Planning a Wedding to Building a Marriage

At the same time that one chapter of my life is closing academically, another completely different chapter is about to begin because in just a few days I get to marry my best friend.

After all of the planning, decisions, schedules, changes, excitement, stress, and details that come with preparing for a wedding, we are finally almost there. Soon Robbie will no longer be my fiancé; he will be my husband.

I am ready to stop planning the wedding and start living the marriage.

A wedding is one day, but the marriage is everything that comes after it. That distinction has caused me to think about growth differently because I do not only want to grow academically or professionally. I want to grow within my marriage. I want to continue learning how to communicate better, listen better, compromise, support another person’s dreams while still pursuing my own, and create a life where both of us continue becoming better versions of ourselves.

I do not expect marriage to be free of obstacles.

The goal is not to build a relationship where nothing difficult ever happens. The goal is to learn how we face those difficult things together. After the wedding, we will have our mini moon, and I want to intentionally allow myself to enjoy that time. I want to experience being newly married without immediately thinking about the next assignment, appointment, project, or responsibility.

I have spent enough time living five steps ahead.

Returning to Writing and the Work I Miss

After our mini moon, though, I know there are parts of myself I am ready to return to, and writing is one of the biggest.

I miss writing more than I realized.

Writing has always been one of the ways I process life. Sometimes I do not fully understand how I feel about something until I begin putting words around it. Somewhere during the last eight months, there simply was not enough mental space to do that, and I miss the version of myself who sat down and wrote because there was something inside of her that needed to be said.

I want to return to Growth Beyond Obstacles and begin telling these stories again.

I want to write about what has happened, what I have learned, what I am still trying to understand, and the things I do not have answers for yet. I also want to return to my book. The book is almost finished, but it has been waiting while other priorities took over. I want to go back through it, edit it with the perspective I have now, and see how much I have changed since I originally wrote parts of it.

Maybe I will pursue traditional publishing.

Maybe I will self-publish.

I genuinely do not know yet, and I am learning that I do not need to know every answer before I begin again.

The important part is that I am willing to pick it back up.

There is no expiration date on a dream simply because life forced you to put it down for a while. You can start again after six months, two years, or even longer. Starting again does not erase the time that passed.

It simply means you decided the story was not finished.

Remembering What Growth Beyond Obstacles Actually Means

When I started Growth Beyond Obstacles, the idea was never that every difficult thing happens for a perfect reason or that every obstacle can immediately be turned into something positive.

Some things simply hurt.

Some situations are unfair. Some obstacles are caused by our own choices, while others arrive without warning and completely change the direction of our lives. The purpose behind Growth Beyond Obstacles was always about asking what happens after the obstacle appears.

How am I going to grow personally because of what I am experiencing?

How can my career grow because of what I am learning? How will I grow within my marriage? How can I become a better leader? How can I become more compassionate because I understand what it feels like to struggle? Where am I uncomfortable, and what is that discomfort teaching me?

Somewhere in the chaos of the last eight months, I forgot to ask myself those questions.

I became so focused on getting through the obstacles that I forgot to look for the growth inside them. I forgot that growth does not always look like obvious success. Sometimes growth looks like changing your mind, asking for help, resting, starting over, pushing forward, or finally recognizing when you cannot push anymore.

Sometimes growth looks like finishing a master’s degree while you are also dealing with unanswered health questions.

Sometimes it looks like realizing you spent months calling yourself a failure while simultaneously accomplishing things you once thought were impossible.

Maybe I Was Measuring Myself Wrong

Maybe that is the biggest lesson I am carrying forward.

I have been measuring myself incorrectly.

I spent so much time asking what I had not accomplished that I stopped asking what I managed to accomplish while everything else was happening. I finished my MBA. I walked across a graduation stage for the first time. I continued working and building my career. I planned a wedding. I continued showing up for my relationship and my family. I kept attending appointments and searching for answers about my health. I started preparing for the next stage of my education. I continued dreaming about what I want my future to look like.

I kept getting up.

I kept moving.

Maybe I was not failing.

Maybe I was simply tired.

There is a difference.

There were days this year when I was not thinking about the big picture at all. I was simply finding one small thing to hold onto that would get me to the next day.

Sometimes that is all we can do.

We find the next step, take it, and then figure out the one after that. Enough small steps eventually become a journey. Enough individual assignments became my MBA. Enough difficult days became eight months that I survived. Enough moments of choosing to continue eventually brought me here.

Finding the Voice That Says, “I Know I Can”

I owe so much gratitude to my family, and especially to my dad, who has always told me that I could do whatever I wanted to do.

As a child, you hear those words one way, but as an adult, you eventually realize that another person’s belief in you can only carry you so far.

At some point, the voice telling you that you are capable has to become your own.

I think I am finally beginning to find that voice.

I have evidence now. I went back and finished my bachelor’s degree. I earned my MBA. I have built a career. I have made mistakes and survived them. I have changed directions, started over, lost things, gained things, failed at things, succeeded at things, and continued growing through all of it.

So when my dad tells me I can do whatever I want to do, I am finally learning to answer myself with, “I know I can.”

Not because I believe everything I try will work out perfectly, because it will not. Not because I believe I will never fail, because I will.

I know I can because I have learned that failure is not automatically the end.

A setback does not erase everything that came before it. A difficult season does not erase my progress. A health problem does not erase my degree. An unfinished book does not mean I am no longer a writer. Feeling overwhelmed does not mean I am incapable.

Needing to rest does not mean I have stopped growing.

Giving Myself Permission to Celebrate

When I look at this year now, I do not want to describe it only by the things that went wrong or the things that remain unresolved.

I walked for a degree for the first time.

I earned my MBA.

I am about to marry my best friend.

I am preparing for a doctoral program.

I am continuing to build a career that I care deeply about.

I am returning to writing.

I am going back to my book.

I am choosing to refocus on my health.

Those are wins.

Real wins.

After the wedding and our mini moon, life will start moving again. There will be work, appointments, writing, doctoral preparation, health decisions, and all of the responsibilities that come with building a marriage and a life together. I know unexpected things will happen because they always do.

The difference is that I want to move into this next season with more awareness.

I want to stop sometimes.

I want to celebrate while the moment is happening.

I want to recognize progress instead of waiting years to realize how far I have come. I want to remember that success is not the absence of obstacles.

Success is learning how to keep growing through them.

What Can Grow From Here?

So before the wedding, before the mini moon, before the doctorate, before the health decisions, before I reopen my book, and before the next chapter begins, I want to allow myself to sit in this one moment.

I want to celebrate the woman who decided to go back and finish her bachelor’s degree when she could have left it unfinished. I want to celebrate the woman who decided that a bachelor’s degree did not have to be the end of her education. I want to celebrate the woman who kept working toward an MBA even when life gave her plenty of reasons to pause.

I want to celebrate the daughter who called her dad crying because she finally got to say, “I did it.”

I want to celebrate the future wife who is days away from marrying her best friend.

I want to celebrate the aunt who hopes the girls growing up behind her see that there are no predetermined limits on what they can accomplish.

I want to celebrate the future doctoral student who is preparing to challenge herself all over again.

And I want to celebrate the writer who got a little lost along the way but is finding her way back.

My dad was right when he told me it had been a long road to get here. It has been.

There have been more obstacles than I ever expected, and I know there will be more ahead. But there have also been more wins, more growth, more opportunities, and more moments worth celebrating than I have given myself credit for.

In a few days I will marry my best friend, and after our mini moon I will return to this space, to my health, to my writing, to my book, to preparing for my doctorate, and to the purpose behind Growth Beyond Obstacles.

I am not trying to become every version of myself perfectly anymore.

I am simply trying to keep growing.

Because no matter what obstacle comes next, I want to continue asking myself one question:

What can grow from here?

Until Next Time.
Kaylee Van Horn, MBA